I Took A Break

I took a break.

I took a break from the self-imposed writing schedule that I was building up to. A routine that only existed in my head as a goal that I had to achieve if I were to reach the next level (whatever that arbitrary metric may be referring to).

I took a break from waking up every morning with the mental pressure that I had to find hours in the day to sit down, eliminate all distractions and simply write an article (which always takes longer than one session) or continue work on book chapters for my fiction series of web novels.

I took a break from following the extreme diet that I have to follow if I want to do any writing at all. Gastroparesis and the way I choose to manage it is a hindrance to any activity, but when I go off the rails, keeping up with basic household duties and providing help to my 92 year old dad becomes strained and I enter what I have labelled "The Slump" which is a near catatonic state that a substantial number of coffees a day barely scratches the surface of.

And I've taken higher doses of caffeine and shifted my dietary intake in every possible configuration imaginable and tried hundreds of natural remedies over the last twenty years or so but the combinations and configurations are never enough to overcome the deep rooted exhaustion and chronic pain that comes with an overloaded, sluggish, paralyzed digestive system.

The caffeine intake would either have little effect or tip me over into irritability, ADHD and even outbursts of rage at times which combined with sentiments of frustration leads to unhealthy relationships with the people around me. It turns out that some people are hypersensitive to caffeine and the effects during a high cycle are equivalent to the effects of cocaine or meth on "normal" people.

So, after the Christmas break and the New Year "festivities" (which was extended this year because relatives stay for a few weeks every few months now as part of the new routine) the climb back up to the land of the living has been the toughest yet and the retreat into old addictions is like slipping into a warm, comfortable sleeping bag from which I'd rather not emerge.

But emerge I must.

The struggle must continue for I will not be defeated.

If you've read any of my previous articles you may have picked up a mildly pessimistic vibe even though I sometimes attempt to end with a positive outlook for what it's worth. I've been through the whole optimism / pessimism cycle so many times I should be used to it by now but I still slide into depressive, nihilistic tendencies when analyzing the big picture of the human experiment and the way things are unfolding for all of us.

Much of this inclination is fueled by more than a decades worth of alternative media consumption and reading about the plans for a New World Order, the orchestrators of this plan and the many theories and variations on a theme that this subject matter entails.

Since I had a lot of time on my hands this "hobby" was very welcome and interesting and illuminating. I wouldn't have it any other way but, as some researchers such as Alan Watt would surely agree, the effect on the person researching this material and arriving at honest, untainted conclusions is one of helplessness and unrelenting acceptance of ones own mortality.

To be fair, Alan Watt was probably the most pessimistic researcher that I had come across because he believed that the global elite had such a strong grip on the levers of power that much of our struggle was futile. But where others would dish up doom and gloom to sell prepping gear and supplements Alan was scarily on point and backed up everything he said with excellent references to the damning publications that continue to shape the landscape to this day.

https://www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com/articles/In_Memory_of_Alan_Watt.html

We can honor Alan Watt’s memory by making a living memorial, by continuing to learn and to teach others.  By making the hard changes in our own lives so we can live fully in the truth.  In this way, we go far beyond a one-time ceremony.  We keep his memory alive within us every time we share what we learned from him with another human being.

In keeping with Alan's view that the controllers have every conceivable move on the chessboard figured out I have often pointed out that the mainstream alternative media was created and co-opted to catch and redirect the stragglers, the truth seekers and the rebels.

I'm wary of the alternative open source, decentralized push happening across all interactive technologies too. It appears that no matter which path we go down the destination will be controlled in some way by the instigators of these technologies because that is always the underlying goal of the decision makers — to bring us all together under one system, one global government, one new world religion that acts like a hivemind, an intelligently guided swarm that can overcome each and every obstacle in its way.

There's just one thing.

This top down model has never produced anything original because that spark only happens in the minds of talented, driven individuals and teams.

And that, in the end, is what gives me hope and tips me back over into optimistic territory. We will change the world one bright spark at a time if that's what it takes.

Anyway, after researching the international energy predicament for a few years and closely following developments in that arena I reluctantly came to the conclusion that we are royally screwed when it comes to maintaining current levels of economic activity using current methods of energy production and resource retrieval.

My optimistic side would keep an eye on forward looking technology blogs for any sign that we could somehow overcome our strained and dying relationship with fossil fuels but these promising threads would always end up in the Hopium bin under closer inspection and back to pessimism I would go.

Sure, something may turn up. Maybe we've been lied to about what's next for energy and the human experiment but it looks more and more like the globalist / technocratic / transhumanist / posthuman plan all along was to develop AI and robotics to replace human slave units with machinery that doesn't answer back, complain, go on strike, take sick leave, demand a pay rise and all the other problems associated with organic bipedal machines.

https://www.tsubion.com/so-theres-this-thing-called-technological-determinism/

https://www.tsubion.com/can-self-driving-cars-ever-be-safe-enough/

The Social Media Curse

More than twenty years ago I was already predicting the way things would turn out. I was deep into the transhumanist, AI and robotics outlook as presented by the likes of Singularity University, Ray Kurzweil, Ben Goertzel, Peter Diamandis and all the other proponents of this 'inevitable' future that was screaming towards us at a hundred miles an hour.

I would criticize the negative aspects of what was being proposed by the techno utopians but I could also see how people would accept many of the changes in technology and lifestyle because they had always done so historically when presented with this choice: upgrade or be left behind.

And now here we are witnessing the rise of AI and the predictable battle between competing architects and nation states to see who will reign supreme in this contentious war of bits and bytes, algos and data centers.

For now, the Chinese Deepseek program appears to have won the race but I'm assuming that this story is only just beginning and there will be many twists and turns, red herrings and dead ends along the way.

What should be clear to anyone by now is that this is very much the new game in town and it may even be the vital component that allows the current energy predicament to be solved and overcome through unforeseen engineering solutions that finally come into view.

See how I can flip back to optimism if I try really hard. It's not all doom and gloom around here. I just try to keep things real and honest so that we know where we stand.

For example, I'm not overly concerned about my own mortality. I've had a good, long look at what lies beyond and I'm perfectly comfortable with the idea that I return to Base Level, Unified Field, pure consciousness when I check out of this video game. It's the anxiety that comes with achieving set goals in the here and now that can be overwhelming and potentially disappointing when goals are not met or things go horribly wrong. And I foolishly apply this logic to the entire human experiment as if we have some say in the whole affair.

I know... crazy right?

What I would like to correct and am finding particularly difficult to achieve in this latest downswing is the role that addiction plays in the procrastination game. I've written about how addiction can be used as an excuse to avoid responsibility in life. Work and relationships take a back seat when someone can wallow in self-indulgent behavior and get to explain it away as an 'illness' or an affliction that cannot be controlled or cured.

Even what used to be labelled as mild addictive behavior (because it wasn't associated with very destructive class A illegal drugs) is now recognized as potentially life-disrupting due to the internal drug dependencies that are created within our own body chemistry. And these can be just as difficult to overcome as other addictions.

Anyone that's tried to give up their coffee, nicotine or alcohol habit will know how tricky this can be. Some people really struggle with this where others are able to simply stop and get back to healthy living by laying out some new rules and habits.

The Strugglers also fall into social media, gaming, gambling, Netflix binging and mobile phone addiction the same as they did with TV watching and food addiction in the past before the new tech came along to make matters worse.

Today, it's easier than ever to simply whip out a smartphone or switch on a PC and indulge in whatever mindless pastime comes to mind by choosing from an endless library of continuously generated content that social media companies deliberately tweak to make even more addictive. Infinite scrolling is one of the worst offenders in this respect. Imagine never being able to put down a book because there's always more, always another page to turn, a never-ending story laced with dopamine.

So now we have billions of people attempting to navigate this landscape with many including myself (I'm one of the Strugglers) looking for ways to not get sucked into the many pitfalls and minefields that lay ahead of us.

I haven't gone down the whole AI app path yet but as a late adopter of tech novelties where I have always managed to hold off for as long as possible before getting sucked into yet another time-wasting phenomenon vortex, I can already see how this latest wave of culture shock will become as routine as using a web browser or the plethora of user interfaces that make up much of current online interactive activities.

And while I understand that most of these online interactive activities are put there to keep us 'entertained' and locked into talking about the latest thing, I have to accept that what everyone around you consumes ends up spilling into your life whether you like it or not.

So when I nuked my social media profiles (how many times now?) leading up to the current social media wars (whether fictional or real) little did I know that I would be stuck in a rut in ways that I didn't think was possible even for me as a run of the mill, socially acceptable addict.

The extended Slump will end soon enough.

What I don't want is to fall into its grip again. Which is what I say every time it happens. The cycle must be broken so that I can finish these projects that I have started and would like to see completed before we witness major moves on the global stage that make these projects unfinishable for one reason or another.

My go to distractions once I've checked in on my dad for a few hours a day and satisfied the usual minimum requirements for staying alive consist of checking in on a list of bookmarked blogs, scanning headlines, reading comments, checking Twitter/X, scrolling, reading comments, clicking on a few podcasts (which I line up so that time will be suitably filled), play a grindy mobile game while listening to podcasts and eat compulsively in response to endorphin withdrawal caused by the Gastroparesis situation and a chronically distended stomach.

Oh, I almost forgot about Substack. While Substack has been a blessing and continues to provide a viable platform for growth and connectivity, I predictably found ways for Substack to become a huge time suck just like all the other platforms that promised to be The One that gets 'results.'

What I found was that I would spend way too much time reading Substack articles instead of getting on with my own writing. I understand that it's a give and take process but there comes a point where the balance is completely off and one needs to get ones priorities in order.

So now I've taken to reading a bunch of 'success on Substack' articles to get back on track and maximize my potential by focusing on this platform and finding the best ways to get both fiction and non fiction in front of the people that actually want to read my output, interact in a meaningful way and to drop the excess baggage (sorry but that's what it is) that I would never be able to consume in a lifetime of reading, especially at my pace.

Also, what happens later in the day is not the problem. I can indulge in TV series or podcasts or interesting YouTube videos with no guilt attached. It's the hours in the day that I have specifically allocated to writing that need special attention and this challenge requires changes at the physical, mental and spiritual levels if I am to succeed.

I need to put aside the grand excuses, as I call them, which act like brakes on any positive change I try to implement in my daily routine. These are the typical "Well it's all going to shit anyway so what's the point" kind of argumentation. This pops into my mindspace or lurks in the background with plenty of backup reasoning based on what I've read over the years waiting to sink any ship that I put out into the waters.

The conclusion for now is that I must not give in to these downswings. I have to forge ahead with all the required changes so that depression, despair and self-pity are not the winners in this game but the desire to overcome, succeed and triumph.

I know of others with severe disability that have managed to pull through despite not having use of their hands and relying on voice commands to write their successful blogs. The mantra was always "If they can do it so can I" but chronic fatigue is a bitch and it's going to take a lot of discipline just to be able to maintain a workable routine. I've done it before and managed to finish my first web novel during that upswing so I know that I can do it again.

Wish me luck and spare a thought for all the others out there that are trying to catch a tiny slice of that dream that we're all chasing. Even if we don't reach the dizzy heights obtained by the super achievers at least we'll know that we gave it our best shot with the cards that were dealt to us.

And maybe that can provide a little inspiration to others that also struggle to get a foothold in life. A little of this something is worth it and worth a million dollars to those of us that would otherwise be sidelined and have no voice at all in the current marketplace of ideas.

God bless the Strugglers.

May they continue to struggle and rise up through the ranks be it one slippery, sodding rung at a time.

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